Paradoxes

Here are a few paradoxes I see about adoption process:

- There are so many children that need a good home, yet the process is so arduous that it can discourage many from actually adopting.  The dossier that we must complete reminds me of college application process all over again ~ times 100!!!


- There are so many parents who do not love or even neglect and abuse their children, yet those of us who want just one, have to go through background check after check to ensure that we are not criminals and will not hurt our children.  Thank goodness, we don't have any records (that we know of), but what if we did?  We might not be able to adopt???


- There are so many waiting children, yet the cost of adoption is so enormously high that unless you take out a loan, most average person would not be able to afford it!  Did I mention, you MUST have certain amount of life insurance in order to adopt?!?!


- There are so many teenagers, drug users, criminals, etc. who procreate without thinking twice, however, those of us who want to adopt and are willing to LOVE these children with our own life, must meet at least 8 hours of required training (which also costs $95 per person).  I wonder what kind of rigorous training these other moms take before they bring their children into this world...


- There are so many women who have child after child with whomever, living in a cramped space, some in unlivable conditions, yet we must have Home Study where the case worker approves of your house, that your home is in fact safe and habitable for your child.  Oh, we were also told to take pictures of our house so they can have a proof in their file!


In spite of these paradoxes, we gladly and eagerly jump through hoops in order to have our child.  Am I bitter, resentful about it?  Perhaps, a tad bit...very frustrated as well!!!  I wish it was easier, or that there was more equity in becoming a parent for all people.  However, if it means that I can have a child, I will go through hoop after hoop, as many hoops as I need to!  I hope it also means that I will love and cherish this child that much more! :) 

Conclusion: I know that God is in control, and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!!! (Philippians 4:13)

Letter from Jesus about Christmas

I copied this from someone else's blog...enjoy! :)

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It has come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are taking My name out of the season.  How I personally feel about this celebration can probably be most easily understood by those of you who have been blessed with children of your own. I don't care what you call the day. If you want to celebrate My birth, just GET ALONG AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER. 
Now, having said that let Me go on. If it bothers you that the town in which you live doesn't allow a scene depicting My birth, then just get rid of a couple of Santas and snowmen and put in a small Nativity scene on your own front lawn. If all My followers did that there wouldn't be any need for such a scene on the town square because there would be many of them all around town. 

Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a 
holiday tree, instead of a Christmas tree. It was I who made all trees. You can remember Me anytime you see any tree.  Decorate a grape vine if you wish: I actually spoke of that one in a teaching, explaining who I am in relation to you and what each of our tasks were. If you have forgotten that one, look up John 15: 1 - 8.
 
If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of My birth, here is my wish list. Choose something from it:

Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this time of year. I know, they tell Me all the time.

Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them.

Instead of writing the President complaining about the wording on the cards his staff sent out this year, why don't you write and tell him that you'll be praying for him and his family this year. Then follow up... It will be nice hearing from you again.

Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and they don't need, spend time with them. Tell them the story of My birth, and why I came to live with you down here. Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love them.

Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her.

Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their own life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless? Since you don't know who that person is, try giving everyone you meet a warm smile; it could make the difference.

Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there. Give them a warm smile and a kind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "Merry Christmas" that doesn't keep you from wishing them one. Then stop shopping there on Sunday. If the store didn't make so much money on that day, they'd close and let their employees spend the day at home with their families  

If you really want to make a difference, support a missionary-- especially one who takes My love and Good News to those who have never heard My name.

Here's a good one. There are individuals and whole families in your town who not only will have no "Christmas" tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or receive. If you don't know them, buy some food and a few gifts and give them to the Salvation Army or some other charity which believes in Me and they will make the delivery for you. 
 

Finally, if you want to make a statement about your belief in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian. Don't do things in secret that you wouldn't do in My presence. Let people know by your actions that you are one of mine.

Don't forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me and do what I have told you to do. I'll take care of all the rest. Check out the list above and get to work; time is short. I'll help you, but the ball is now in your court. And do have a most blessed Christmas with all those whom you love and remember!
 

I LOVE YOU,
JESUS

Christmas Sermons

In the last few Sundays, Andy Stanley's Christmas sermons have been particularly poignant to me.  Two weeks ago, he talked about Zechariah and Elizabeth, the parents of John the Baptist.  Actually several years back, I  read this sort of a Christmas coffee table book called "The Indescribable Gift" given by my sister, and the book introduced this couple in a way I had never read/heard before.  The book and Andy both praised these two elderly people for serving God ever so faithfully while waiting for the Messiah their whole life.  Although they were upright and blameless in the sight of God, He had not bless them with children, which was a cause of HUGE shame during that time.

I guess I never wanted to identify myself with these two Godly people because that meant that I had to accept our infertility. (Btw, I hated this word, and I still have a hard time saying it.)  However, God does finally bless Zechariah and Elizabeth with a son a few months before Christmas whom they name John.  Andy reminded us through his sermon that our faithfulness to God is never in vain.  After waiting decade after decade, and facing much discouragement and disappointment, God does prove to Zechariah and Elizabeth that He is, in fact, trustworthy and that He had not forgotten about them.  It was all part of His grand plan for them to wait and wait and wait!!!  I know a little something about waiting and disappointment.  Like these two, I believe that God has not left me, not for a second.  During our painful and sometimes shameful almost 9 years of waiting and trying to get pregnant, He was probably shaking His head thinking, "When will they be ready to accept MY plan?"

I am so thrilled to know that God will bless us with our "John" in His time.   In the meantime, we continue to be steadfast to Him, who loves to bless His children with good and perfect gifts.  Even when it seems like the "unfaithful" are being blessed instead of us, I must remember Z & E, that our Lord does see our devotion and that it will be rewarded.  Therefore, we keep on fighting the good fight ~ being faithful to Him and living our lives according to His plan.

 

Merry CHRISTmas!!!  ~2010

This might be our last Christmas featuring just the THREE of us! :)

Contribution

So...I finally got confirmation from our Bethany case worker.  Unfortunately, contributing toward our adoption fund will NOT be tax-deductible. 
"Bethany does have a non-profit status but the donations cannot be earmarked for a family. They are only deductible if they go directly to the branch office."  
I really tried to make this work for friends and family who are considering giving, but it's just not going to happen.  Sorry!!! :(

If you would still like to give, please click Paypal
Thank you in advance for your generosity! 

Paperwork

I finally completed "Self Study" packet!!  This was an introspective exercise which consisted of answering 40+ questions.  The purpose of it was for you to reflect on yourself, your marriage, your upbringing and family, and also what type of parent you hope to be.  Boy, that was long, but it's DONE!!!

We started out with an inch-thick dossier.  Believe it or not, we are almost finished with all the paperwork for Bethany.  I hope to finish everything by the end of 2010!!!!!

So far...

Thursday, December 2 - We had our Home Study.  Jessica came and checked out the house...I think we passed! :)  Even Happy behaved himself!

Monday, November 15 - A sweet friend (C) held a Mary Kay "Baby Sale" Party for me.  Although many couldn't make it, 8 friends came and purchased MK.  Also, throughout the week, others purchased lots more.  It was a GREAT week!!!  Thank you to all who purchased from me thus and contributed towards our adoption fund!  We are very grateful!!!

Thursday, November 11 - Chris and I had our individual interviews with Jessica.

Tuesday, November 9 - We were utterly floored by the generosity of our friends (D & L).  God is Jehovah Jireh!!!!!! 

Wednesday, October 27 - We met with our case worker, Jessica from Bethany Christian Services, and formally started the adoption process.  We were so excited at the prospect of becoming parents ~ FINALLY!!!!!

Announcement

I initially wrote this letter for our family and close friends only.  However, after sharing it with that small circle, I decided to be transparent and announce our good news to all our friends.  We were completely taken aback by the overwhelmingly supportive encouragement we've received.  Thank you, family and friends, for your excitement as we await to receive what God has in store for us!

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October 29, 2010
 

Dear Family and Friends,
 

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts… (Isaiah 55:8-9)
 

A few weeks ago, Chris and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary. How time flies!!! Some of you shared that special, wet day with us 12 years ago as God sent his ”showers” of blessing, abundantly! Regardless of whether you came to our wedding or not, our lives have been richly blessed because we met you and have developed a friendship that is based on faith in our Lord.
 

The last 8-9 years have been very difficult as we unsuccessfully tried time and time again to get pregnant. As many friends started having a family, we became keenly aware of our lack of children. There were countless nights of tears and broken-heart especially with each month’s reminder of “no, not this month either!” I pulled away from many of my friends because their lives revolved around their children, as is natural. I had a hard time listening to these incredible stories about their beautiful children and I could tell that they in turn, had a hard time telling me about those as they were fully aware of my situation. I started calling them less as they got busier with their family.
 

During these years, we did exhaust all our options. We tried InVitro Fertilization (IVF) three cycles. We also tried acupuncture, chiropractic, Asian/herbal medicine (Hahn-yahk), healing/charismatic services, etc., etc. You name it, we tried it! In addition, there were many people praying for us all over the country and Korea and China. I also cajoled, threatened, pleaded, and made deals with God. In spite of all the effort, God’s answer remained unwaveringly, “NO!”
 

I can’t even tell you the number of times I shook my fist at God for not giving us children. I even attempted to turn my back on God and reject my faith altogether. I was desperate! I felt abandoned by my Heavenly Father!!! My head told me otherwise, but my heart ached so bad that I doubted His love for me time and time again. Fortunately, I could not stay mad at God for long. It was IMPOSSIBLE!!!
 

Then our thoughts reluctantly turned to adoption. However, at that time, we just weren’t ready as we were not ready to give up on having at least one biological child, one that resembled us physically! We always thought that we would adopt someday. But according to our plan, it was much later, after we’ve had a few of our own biological children.
 

Now, however, I am thrilled to announce that God has changed both of our hearts and we will be adopting a child from Korea through Bethany Christian Services!!!! In the last couple of years, God has allowed us to see adoption through His eyes. So, we sent in our “formal” application a few weeks ago and had our first interview with a case worker last Thurs. I am so excited, perhaps as any expecting mother would be! We do have one-inch thick dossier to complete now and have to raise about $30,000 somehow. However, if this is how God wants to give us a child, we believe that He will provide the means for us to adopt. Our case worker did tell us that it can take up to 18 months. However, because we are Korean (heritage family) and we don’t have any children, we have a good chance of receiving a child sooner than 18 months.
 

Recently I saw a video on Facebook. It showed a progression of a cell from conception to fully grown child in a mother’s womb. Had I seen that video even a few months ago, I would have wailed out of pity longing for that to happen to me. This time, however, my tears were for entirely different reason. I believed that my child could be growing too, except in someone else’s womb. I began realizing that the child that God is preparing for us could actually be forming or growing right now! That was such a surreal thought. Those of you who are mothers know what it’s like to bear a child that is growing inside of you. I will never experience that. However, to know that my child is growing somewhere albeit in another person’s body was such an incredible realization.
 

Therefore, we started praying for our child that s/he grows healthy and that delivery goes safely and well when the time comes. Although that child is not with me now, s/he will be with us someday. I am so thankful that God has allowed me to view adoption in a completely different way now! I can’t wait till we wrap our hands around our child. We want to show just a fraction of the love that our Lord shows us daily. I can’t wait to teach our child how to pray and sing my favorite hymns, etc. I know that Chris can’t wait to teach/play sports with our child whether it be a girl or boy. There are so many things we are looking forward to doing with our child. We didn’t think this would be possible, but it’s becoming more and more real.
 

God’s ways are definitely not our ways. This was not what we had planned. However, we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that His thoughts are so much better, grander…perfect! We want to ask you to join us in prayer as we prepare and wait to receive our child. We know nothing about raising children, and so we will be calling on some of you for advice. Thank you for your support and love and we pray that we will continue to have fellowship in our loving Father.
We will keep you posted!

Love,
Jenn, a mom-to-be