A Void in my Heart

(First written on August 30, 2011)
After about a year, now I think I am ready to blog about our greatest tragedy experienced thus far.

On August 14, 2011 around 5:30, our Blessing, a.k.a. Happy passed away.  In order to memorialize Happy, I am choosing to share on my blog.

This is what happened: For about a week, Happy's stool had been soft.  However, we weren't concerned because that had happened before.  Well, on Saturday, he kept having diarrhea.  I started to get a bit worried.  Then Sunday morning around 3 AM, he had vomited several times and there were pink stains on our bedroom floor.  I immediately took him outside.  After awhile, we all fell back to sleep.


Then Sunday morning around 8AM, when I woke up, Happy wasn't in our room anymore.  He had somehow gone downstairs.  When we went down, we discovered many pink stains all over the floor.  There was a trail of blood to every door because he wanted to go outside.  Happy looked terribly dehydrated and weak.  His back legs were covered in blood and matted from dry blood.  Once I let him out, blood was just pouring out.  Then we knew there was a problem.  We quickly wrapped him up in a towel and held him.  He had no energy as he looked completely lethargic.

Around 11AM, we finally got in touch with one of Chris' patient who is a vet.  We brought Happy in and had him examined.  She told us to leave him there for a few hours.  She thought that he would be better after receiving 4 different IVs.  We left him there and went and ran errands.  While we were running errands, the vet called with the bad news.  Apparently, Happy's body temperature was low and even after receiving all the IV, his body temperature dropped even more.  She then proceeded to tell us that she's seen many dogs pass away this way.


You can imagine our ride to the vet.  Neither one of us spoke in the car.  I started crying because I was thinking, 'She couldn't have meant that our Happy was dying!'  We had left him thinking that he had some digestion issues.  He was supposed to receive IV and some antibiotics and get better.  I was hoping and praying for a miracle.  Happy was only 12 years old.

When we arrived back at the vet and saw the doctor, she told us that we basically had two options:  we could take him to emergency room and let the professionals monitor him over night or take him home and we monitor him over night.  Either way, we were to bring him back to her for further testing the next day.  Without any hesitation, we decided that if there was even a slight possibility of his passing, then he would spend his last night with us, not at a hospital with strangers.

She then brought  him out wrapped in the towel we had brought in.  As soon as I saw him, I could not believe this was the same dog we had brought in.  It looked like he was barely holding on to his dear life.  As soon as the doctor left the room, I started wailing uncontrollably.  Happy looked like he was really dying.  We had never seen Happy looking this way.  He could not follow the command "stay" more than 2-3 seconds.  He would follow us everywhere.  And here he was, barely breathing.  If we weren't sure earlier, I had no doubt then;  He would go home with us, no matter what.

Then we headed home.  Chris was driving and I was holding Happy in my arms.  During the drive home, Happy's breathing became very labored.  His breathing was irregular.  It was intensely labored, then hardly breathing that I thought he had died.  Then back to labored breathing and quiet again.  After a few of these cycles, he tried to look up at me.  After the third time, he just dropped his dead, and there was no more movement about him.  He just laid in my arms.  No morning breathing.  Not even labored breathing.  No more movement.  I could not believe it!  He had left us!  Once we realized what had happened, we both started sobbing and wailing uncontrollably.  Our baby was gone!  Our energetic, hyper, territorial, loyal, devoted, unconditionally loving dog was no longer alive!  Happy was dead!
  

Those moments were traumatic.  In one minute, Happy was breathing.  And the next, he was no longer breathing but dead.  A few minutes later, we had arrived at home.  We called our vet back to inform her that Happy had passed.  She was very sorry for us.  But she told us that we had two options: either bury him tonight or bring him back to be cremated.  If I could, I wanted to sleep with him one last time.  However, because of his GI condition, the vet told us that he would start decomposing quickly.  Therefore, we chose cremation, and I decided that we would not keep his ashes because Happy would not be in the ashes.  I believe with all my heart that Happy is with the Lord.  Although it's completely unBiblical, but I believe that God is taking care of Happy now.

We brought Happy back to the vet.  I could not believe how stiff his body had become in half an hour.  By the time we handed him to the vet, he had become so stiff, he looked like taxidermy.  Although the last moment with Happy was tragic, the last image before we handed him over was a pleasant one.  It reminded me of Happy in the car when we would drive with the windows down, he would stick his head out at an angle and enjoy the wind.  As Chris handed Happy over, that's what his face reminded me of.  He was going for a fun ride with me.  He almost looked like he was smiling.

Many of you who have known us for a long time know how important Happy was to us.  He was our family; he was our baby.  Twelve years ago, a friend of my mother-in-law was trying to give away baby chihuahuas.  At that time, I had no desire to own a dog, let alone, a Taco Bell dog!  Reluctantly, I agreed to taking on a dog.  However, the first night I laid my eyes on him, I just fell in love with him.  He became MY dog, and I decided to name him that night.  I wanted to name him something simple and easy.  Of course, I looked in the Bible.  In Matthew chapter 5, in Beatitude, one of the meanings to the word "blessed" is happy.  I named that adorable chihuahua Happy because I prayed that he would be a blessing to us.  I had no idea how prophetic my act of naming Happy would be.

God knew that we would be childless all these years.  However, he wanted us to experience joy and blessing, so He chose to give us something that would love us UNCONDITIONALLY.  Dogs are such special beings.  Regardless of your look, intelligence, race, confidence level, ability, weight, etc., your dog loves you, just because!!!  Whenever we came home, we were greeted by this little 7 pounder with its tail wagging wildly.  Regardless of what type of day we had outside, he was happy that we were home.  I honestly believe that God sends these furry friends to show us UNconditional love.  We don't receive that from our parents, spouse, children, or best friends.  Therefore, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Happy was from the Lord.  Therefore, when He took Happy back, I was not mad at God.

My Last Picture with Happy at Jekyll Island (2011)

One of my all time favorite song called "Blessed Be Your Name," by Matt Redman has a line that says:
"You give and take away
You give and take away
But my heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your Name."

I believe that God gave Happy to us twelve years ago when we weren't even wanting or looking for a dog.  He knew we would need him.  Then suddenly, with no warning, our loving Father took Happy away; He took him back.  Who can understand the mind of the Lord?  In my finite mind, I choose to believe that the Creator of the universe knows what He's doing.  I love the Lord for letting us love and live with Happy for 12 years.  We will never forget him.  He will always have a special place in our hearts.

We miss you, Happy!!!  We LOVE you more than you will ever know!!!