Sorry that this post has taken many months, about a year and half to actually finish and publish. I first wrote this post last July, but it's taken many more months to proofread and publish. Many of you heard directly from us, but for those of you who live far away, here are some more details. I hope you can relive that special week.
October 10, 2014
Sixteen years ago (10/10/98), Chris Sj Lee and I stood in the presence of God, family, and friends, and promised to love, honor, and cherish each other. In the last 16 years, through numerous trials and testing of our faith, there were many times of doubt. How could loving God allow us to go through something seemly so unloving? However, that day, on our way to Korea to meet our son, God met us! He reminded us that He never forget us during the last 16 years, not for one second! Instead, He orchestrated for us to go to meet our long-waited son ON the day we exchanged our vows! How great is our God?!?! It was no coincidence that we were leaving to go to Korea on that day.
October 13, 2014 - Meeting #1
The day we met our son for the first time, we were all nerves. We did manage to eat breakfast,
although we couldn't eat lunch or anything else afterwards. We did have a few cups of coffee, needless to say I was WIRED!!! We were about to meet a child whom we had been longing to see and praying for the last 2 years and 3 months. However, we also knew that to this child, we would be a little more than some strangers, whom he had seen in pictures. Although we knew that the foster parents showed Lincoln our pictures, we also realized that a toddler could not possibly understand the concept of living with foster parents until the court/government was ready to send him with his real parents, who were living in another country, on the other side of the globe this whole time.
Our meeting was 1:00 PM. Well, we weren't about to be late to this MOMENTOUS occasion, and so we showed up TWO hours early at Holt office. When we showed up, the staff knew who we were right away, which comforted me somewhat. Then one social worker, led us into one of the small rooms to wait there. However, perhaps when they realized how early we were, they asked us to wait either in the cafeteria or coffee shop downstairs. We complied and ordered some coffees as we waited anxiously, on pins and needles.
Finally, around 12:45, we headed back up. Going up in the elevator, we were all so tense; No one talked as we headed up to the 6th floor. Then when we finally entered the room, the familiar faces stood up and greeted us with huge smiles. They were early, too!!! The foster parents recognized Chris' parents who had accompanied us because they had met before. However, we also recognized each other, all through pictures. Then immediately our attention was drawn to our son, Lincoln. He looked just like the pictures! His eyes, nose, cheeks, chin, lips, teeth, ears, hair, etc...everything looked exactly like we had remembered from those hundreds of pictures we had cherished for so many months. We could not believe we were actually beholding our son! He was just PERFECT!!! Although we felt this special connection to him, he did not! He did not run to us or jump into our arms as I had hoped would happend. In fact, he was rather bashful and almost aloof, meeting some strangers; He would not leave his foster mom. Although she tried to pass him to me, Lincoln wouldn't let her. He clung to her because it was safe and familiar, on his foster mom's lap.
After what seemed like forever, Lincoln slowly started warming up to others. My father-in-law was the first to approach him, and he did so with non other than his phone! Lincoln, like all toddlers, knew exactly what to do with a phone. Then my mother-in-law joined. Lincoln felt more comfortable with them because he had seen them before. After a few minutes though, Chris joined Lincoln in the back playing with balls and other toys. However, I was too nervous to go join because I wasn't sure how he would react to me. Of course, I wanted to throw my arms around him and kiss him all over, but I didn't want to frighten him and I was also afraid of his rejection. Or was it my pride that would not allow me to go to my son because I didn't want to be hurt. Who knows?!?! In the next few minutes, he was like the Energizer bunny! He was running around, running across the stage, throwing balls, etc., etc. Lincoln was a wild child!!! At this point, I started to worry/panic thinking, 'What have we gotten ourselves into? This is the child we had waited for these many years? There is no return here!!!'
As those thoughts started to cloud my head, one of the staff members, got up and announced that each family would come up and introduce themselves. Well, we were first! While all the other children and 6 families waited at each table, our child was already on the stage, playing all by himself. Without giving much thought, however, Chris and I went up and I scooped up our child and stood on the stage. While Chris introduced our family, surprisingly and thankfully, Lincoln stayed in my arms. He didn't squirm or try to get free. In fact, looking at pictures later, he was studying us observantly. At that moment, I fell in love with our son! When I held his skinny little body, I just knew that God had created him and chose us to be his parents! I felt the instant connection. He was my son, and I was his momma!When we were finished with the introduction, we left the stage and went straight to the back of the room as the three of us started to bond and play together. We felt bad that we didn't listen to other families' introductions, however, at that point, our attention and time could not be divided! We had only 2 hours with our child that day. It could not be spent on anything other than Lincoln! We played with him for the next hour or so; we threw him up in the air, we ran around, he played with toys, etc. etc. At some point during the play, much to our heart's desire, he called us "Umma and Appa" (mom and dad in Korean). We couldn't believe our ears! We were truly thankful to his foster parents for showing him our pictures.
While we were playing, I told him, "I love you." Then immediately, Lincoln threw his arms over his head and made a heart for me. When I said it again, he repeated his arm-shaped heart as well. I was overwhelmed with love for his boy. As far as he was concerned, I was a mere stranger to him. However, somehow, I believe that God was showing His love to me, through this precious child. Towards the end of our time together, after I had held him and kissed him over and over again, I again told him, "I love you." Then he proceeded to lean over and kiss me on my arm! I repeated it and so did he! Boy, was I "IN LOVE" with my son!Much sooner than expected, our 2 hours came to an end. I carried Lincoln in my arms as we all walked toward the elevator to go down and part our ways. While waiting for the elevator, the foster mom pretended to be leaving and waved goodbye at Lincoln. Then unexpectedly, he waved goodbye back to his foster mom and dad, indicating that he was ready to go with us. My heart just melted right there. He wanted to go home with us! Again, thank you, Lord, for letting us have that precious moment! Eventually, he blew kisses at us and left with the foster parents.
As we left Holt building, we had so many mixed emotions. On one hand, we were so grateful that we got to not only interact with our son, but that he enjoyed his time with us. He was ready come home with us after only 2 hours! I was beyond thankful that we had had a WONDERFUL first meeting. Btw, the foster parents told us later that Lincoln was melancholy the rest of that day. They think he was sad that he we were not together.
However, for some time now, I had been comparing our adoption process to other adoptive families. In doing so, I often became discontent and frustrated at God that it's taken us much longer than any other families we knew. While all the other kids were around the age of two, more or less when they came home, Lincoln was almost three! He's also been with his foster family longer than other children. Then that day, during the two hours, I received my answers. Even the fact that Lincoln was older than all the other kids was preordained by God. While we perceived these many "wasted' years as a neglect on God's part, it was all part of His plan: Because he was almost three, more mature, we could talk to him and he understood what we were saying. We were now so thankful that God took His time for us to meet him. Again, God knew what He was doing all along! As I was able to reflect later that day, my heart overflowed with praise.
Meeting #2 - October 13, 2014
For the second meeting, the foster parents were a little late. However, when they walked in, I have to say that Lincoln was the best dressed kid that day. He was sporting
an argyle cardigan (I love anything argyle), blue button-down shirt, AND
a little Burberry tie!!! I LOVE Lincoln's foster mom!
After a brief greeting, Lincoln started out in a similar fashion as the first meeting. He had just woken up from a nap, and so he remained in the foster dad's arms for a while. So, we sat around the table and they told us more about Lincoln, his likes and dislikes. We learned that he eats everything, but his favorite foods are fruits and vegetables! He was meant to be our child! He also eats whatever his foster parents eat, even spicy food. He also likes to use metal chopsticks that the foster parents use, not those plastic training chopsticks that kids typically use. Lincoln is a funny kid!
Then once Lincoln felt a bit comfortable, the foster dad went and dropped him off on the play mat in the back. This time, without losing any time, I immediately headed back to play with him while Chris remained at the table with the foster parents. Unlike the first meeting, he was a lot more subdued and perhaps tired. He sat and played with matching/sorting blocks for a long time. We took lots of pictures and videos of him sitting and playing. We did play catch but sitting down. Lincoln also has this infectious laugh. He laughed very easily as he is a happy child. Lots of little things seemed to amuse him. He enjoyed a Playskool toy which has spinning pictures and bouncing balls. He would press it and let out this happy, shrieking laugh. (Needless to say, we bought the same toy when we returned home.)
After a while, we pulled out bubbles. We learned that in the last few months, Lincoln started to want to do everything himself. And sure enough, he wanted to blow bubbles and hold the bottle. As he bent over to catch his bubbles, he spilled some soapy water on his hand. He immediately stopped playing and his expression changed. He indicated that he wanted his hand to be cleaned. We learned that he's an OCD and a clean freak. In fact, the foster mom reported that when Lincoln comes in from outside, without even being told, he goes to the bathroom and washes his hands. A 2 & 1/2 year old washes his hands without being told?!?!?! So, after cleaning up his hand, he proceeded to blow more bubbles and also chase them when Chris blew them. At the end of the 1&1/2 hours this time, we had to bid farewell, again. Lincoln and his foster parents were the last ones to leave before all the adoptive parents had a short meeting afterwards. Basically, everyone was waiting for my son and his foster parents to leave. I really didn't mind that everyone else was waiting for us. As selfish as that sounds, I just wanted to spend the last few minutes with Lincoln knowing that I wouldn't see him for another few months. As we finally said our good byes, he gave each of us a ppo-ppo (kiss), and then he was gone.
As soon as they left, our briefing for our court appearance started. Unfortunately, we were informed that we had a Friday judge! We knew what that meant: she was not easy! So, DJ, our social worker, basically "commanded" to pray really hard and that she would fast for us! I was immensely moved by Dj and her commitment to us and our children. Immediately, we notified our family and friends to continue to pray for our situation.
Court Day - October 17, 2014
Needless to say, I could not sleep in. I woke up several times, around 3 AM, 4 AM, and then finally 5 AM. I woke up each time praying and rehearsing what I would say to the judge. We got ready that morning more anxiously than when we went to see Lincoln. When Lincoln would come home, depended on this judge, almost entirely. Out of the seven families, we were the first to see the judge. We walked in with much apprehension although DJ had told us to smile and look calm and confident. Not sure how that was possible! The judge was very young and pretty. She looked maybe 30. After greeting each other, she proceeded to ask us a few questions. In the midst of feeling nervous, I could also feel the presence of God in the courtroom, reassuring me. He had gone before us as we were covered in prayers. The judge was very nice and she seemed very happy for us, that a Korean couple was adopting. We spoke to her in Korean, and she sounded positive and confident that there wouldn't be any problems communicating with Lincoln. After about 5 minutes, we were done. We had PASSED!
Then the real and final phase began! The court would try to contact the birth mom, one last time. However, many times, these ladies do not want to be contacted even it is for mere notification. If they are not contacted that we could go on a public notice, which would delay custody. We were expecting the worst, 2 months!
(A picture in front of the family court with all seven families)
Leaving Korea withOUT Lincoln - October 18, 2014
On Saturday, we woke up around 5:00 and headed to the airport. After we checked in our bags and went through the security, we sat down for some breakfast. And that's when it hit me. I had been fine until that point, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks! We were LEAVING withOUT our son!!!!!! I tried to comfort myself with the fact that God is in control even though I was leaving a part of my heart in Korea. I reminded myself that He is a good God, that I have to leave Lincoln this time so I can come back for him next time. Once we boarded the plane, I kept myself occupied because I knew if I sat idle, I would cry. The 14-hour flight was spent reading a book and watching a few movies.
We returned home hoping to return to Korea in a couple of months, before Christmas.
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My Baby Shower - November 1, 2014
Several years ago, I stopped attending baby showers. It was too difficult as I started resenting all my friends' joyous occasions. And so at one point, in order to protect myself, I just stopped going. Then a few years later, I just gave up hope on attending my own shower.
Well, last Saturday, this dream came true! A sweet friend, Patti Forgarty, and my sister Jina planned the most wonderful baby shower anyone could ask for. From my perfectly decorated cake (Cakes by Darcy), to every perfect inspirational quotes, to clothes line featuring Lincoln's clothes, to yummy lunch, to coffee and tea, to everyone there giving me a word of advice...everything was so well planned and carried out. All the people (Patti, Grace, Jessica, Anita, Susan, Genie, Kristen, Christi, Joan, Rose, Susan, Dee, and Jina) who attended my shower are the people who genuinely already love Lincoln. I am sorry that a few other friends couldn't make it.
Also, many people gave so generously. Lincoln already has tons of toys! Then with generous contribution from many friends, we purchased Lincoln's car seat the next day and it came in the mail in three days.My SECOND Baby Shower!!! - November 13, 2014
God is incredible! He didn't just allow ONE baby shower. He did far better - I got TWO showers, the second one from my work friends. My Rocky Mount family threw me another shower. My school family walked this journey with us for many years. And so "it takes a village" quote came to my mind as I reflected on this second shower. All the grade levels gave so generously. I was especially thankful to my fifth grade team for organizing and decorating the event. I was also touched by all my retired teacher friends that came to attend. That was so special. I realized that Lincoln is so loved by so many people! Although they had not met him, they already loved him so much. Again, that's something only God can arrange.
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