Bringing Lincoln Home!!!

Although Lincoln has been home for 17 months today, I would like to chronicle this incredible journey.  When he asks what happened on that special day, we will read these posts together, and he will know how much he was LOVED and CHERISHED from the beginning.  Here are the posts from November 2014, which some were also posted on FB.

November 17, 2014 - Gotcha Day!!!
WE GOT LINCOLN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is ours forever!!!
At 9:30AM, we walked into Holt office with so much excitement and some apprehension.  We were FINALLY getting custody of our son!  As we walked in, Lincoln and his foster parents were already waiting.  His foster sister also joined them.  She begged her parents to attend this meeting and go to school late. There were two other ladies, two deacons from their church that wanted to come along and say goodbye to Lincoln.

When we walked into the room, they were all seated with Lincoln on foster dad's lap.  He was bashful at first again.  Then the social worker went over some final paperwork and information.  The foster parents brought some of Lincoln's clothes and toys we had sent him.  They also brought some present - several pajamas.  Holt also gave us a new set of han-bok (Korean traditional outfit), chop with his birth name, and a necklace with Korean ying-yang and his birth name engraved on the back.  Then we handed them the gifts we brought.  They did not open them in front of us, as it is Korean culture.

Afterwards, we all headed down to the clinic for the final checkup from the Holt doctor.  The quick check up was rendered. Lastly, it was time to say goodbyes.  How do you adequately thank a woman who raised your child like her own for the last two years and nine months since he was 2 months old?  She and I just hugged and cried and cried for some time.  I was grateful beyond words.  The family absolutely adored him!  All I could say repeatedly was "Thank you...I'll never forget what you've done for my son."  Then I held and hugged Lincoln's foster sister.  She came out to see Lincoln one final time.  She wept for what seemed like a long time as well.  Chris and foster dad also shared an emotional hug and thank yous.

Finally, we somehow managed to separate.  They went downstairs and we went upstairs to gather all of our belongings.  Then the social worker escorted us to the cab on the street and exchanged our goodbyes and thank yous.  During this whole time, Lincoln was rather calm.  We were afraid that he would be upset.  However, we think he knew what would happen.  Again, the foster parents had prepared him for this day.  Once we hopped into the taxi to come back to our place, in a matter of a few minutes, he started calling us Umma and Appa (mommy and daddy in Korean). He even posed for picture to gesture "I love you" in a heart shape with his arms.

Once we got to the apartment, Lincoln explored the whole place, going upstairs and then downstairs, up down, up down.  Also, the transition so far has been whole lot smoother than we anticipated. We've been playing with him non-stop for an hour now. We are still looking for a "pause" button, but it's no where to be found.


(A few hours later...)
Thank you all for praying for this special event. Please keep us in your prayer as we have a visa interview tomorrow at the U.S. Embassy and as we bond with Lincoln for the rest of the week. Thank you, family and friends, for your love, support, and sheer excitement for our family. It still feels surreal. I feel like we are just babysitting and that we will return him to his parents later!  Lincoln was like the energizer bunny for a couple of hours. Then suddenly middle of lunch, he said, "neh neh," stuck his fingers in his mouth, laid his head on my lap, and fell asleep! I think I now need a nap as well.  I LOVE this kid!!!!

We were brave enough to venture out to Cheonggyecheon's Lantern Festival.  We went totally unprepared - no stroller!  And we learned right away that Lincoln LOVES to be carried.  Thanks, foster dad!  So, during the entire night, Chris carried him. The show was great and we really enjoyed it.  Lincoln's favorite was Pororo and friends lanterns. 

November 18, 2014 - Day 2
Here is an update about our first night: After a very active first day, we got ready for bed around 9:30. However, because Lincoln is so used to going to bed late like 10 or even 11, he was wide awake. He played by himself in the dark for a little while and then finally fell asleep. Then it happened. Around 4:30 am, Lincoln began wailing wanting to go "home." We had heard from many adoptive parents about it but to actually hear your child crying his heart out, it completely broke my heart. He just kept weeping.  He did not want to be held or consoled.  In feeling helpless, all I could do was to cry with him and to pray for the Lord, the only One who can truly comfort, to comfort my grieving and hurting son. After a few minutes of uncontrollable crying, he did eventually fall back asleep. He was so brave to keep it together during the day...and finally he was letting it all out.  What I would do to quicken his grieving process!

(Later that day...) Another GREAT Day!
We went for our visa interview and it last all but 5 minutes, if that. And it was issued in less than an hour! So, not only is Lincoln legally ours, he can legally go home with us! While waiting for our Visa to be issued, we were waiting with four other families. Lincoln being the oldest, was terribly bossy to all people, kids and adults. YIKES!!! 

   
Lincoln met some of his relatives today - his grandparents (Chris' parents) and Chris' cousin and her kids. He thoroughly enjoyed playing with his cousins as they were so good to him! They brought him a cake and sang to him. Lincoln loved being serenaded and blowing out the candles. Later on, when he woke up from his nap, he didn't cry at all. Actually, he's still sleeping. I am praying that he wakes up smiling in the morning.  Btw, he's so much fun to be with! He cracks himself up as he is very easily entertained. He is also VERY active. We have busy days ahead of us. And we desperately need God's grace for physical strength to keep up with our toddler.

November 19, 2014 - Day 3
Lincoln woke up completely normal! I am praying that those night fits are over, or at least until we get home where he has to accept yet another new and permanent set of environment. We attended a wonderful/FANCY puppet show (compliments to Chris' childhood friend and her production company). We were naturally concerned about Lincoln sitting through a 50 minute show. However, to our surprise, he sat up and was engrossed in the show pretty much the entire time. Also, there were over 100 other little toddlers from different day cares attending, and so naturally it was very loud in the theater. Although Lincoln would try to talk to us from time to time, he was also busy shushing those other kids around him with looks of disapproval. REALLY, Kid??? 

When we got home, he took a nap, and I napped with him. It was a MUCH needed nap.  I'm trying to adjust to the time change as well as being a brand new mommy to this active little kid! 

For dinner, we met up with several of Chris' friends. One of the friends brought her second grade daughter. Lincoln was COMPLETELY smitten with this little girl. He giggled and laughed with her, patted her cheek, held hers hands (wouldn't hold mine all of a sudden!?!?!?), etc., etc. Seriously??? You are not even THREE yet, Kid!!! Although I was jealous by this behavior, I was also thankful for this friend's daughter.  I can't imagine what dinner would have looked like had he not had a playmate!

November 20, 2014 - Day 4
We went to Chris' parents place as a family of three.  They live a couple of hours from Seoul and so we took the train.  Lincoln did great on the train.  Then once we were at the grandparents' house, they just loved him and couldn't get enough of him.  He is their first grandchild!  We stayed for lunch and dinner and left to catch a train.  

November 21, 2014 - Day 5
We walked around Insadong today, one of my favorite places in Seoul.  It was nice to be outdoors with Lincoln.  Although it was chilly, we were ready for this weather and we were all well bundled up.  Trying to take subway with a toddler in the stroller was an adventure.  We quickly turned to cabs.

We met up with my cousin for dinner.  Lincoln was a charmer, and she loved him right away.  However, the dinner was a disaster.  We went to a bar-b-q place where they grill the meat right in front of you at the table.  Well, of course, Lincoln thought it was "his" job to flip meat and so he tried to touch the grill.  Our poor waitress was so sweet and was very accommodating.  She gave him a set of tongs for him to play around, but he then started grilling and dropped food and spilled water everywhere!  It was so chaotic! 
 
Our LAST Update from Korea:
We are truly humbled and amazed by our Lord for blessing us with a FANTASTIC week in Korea. It was so much better than we could have ever imagined! Thank you for all your prayers. We leave for home tomorrow. We can't wait to go home - for Lincoln to meet Fenway and Eemo (my sister Jina) and to experience so many things for the first time. Unfortunately, that will also include DISCIPLINE! Lincoln is so cute and endearing. However, he is also terribly stubborn and strong-willed. He doesn't realize his momma is one of the most stubborn people he will ever meet! Lastly, we are on stanby for tomorrow. So we will probably leave Korea without a problem. However, we may have a super long layover in Detroit. We are unlikely to make our connecting flight as there are not very many seats available. So we are expecting to get on later flight and arrive either around 6 or 9pm. Please pray for Lincoln that he will enjoy/endure this long flight.

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My current favorite song:
"Never Once" by Matt Redman

Verse 1
Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we've come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Verse 2
Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You've done
Knowing every victory
Is Your power in us

Pre-Chorus
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Chorus
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Bridge
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Ending Chorus
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we'll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Meeting Our Son, Baby Showers, Etc.

Sorry that this post has taken many months, about a year and half to actually finish and publish.  I first wrote this post last July, but it's taken many more months to proofread and publish.  Many of you heard directly from us, but for those of you who live far away, here are some more details.  I hope you can relive that special week.

October 10, 2014
Sixteen years ago (10/10/98), Chris Sj Lee and I stood in the presence of God, family, and friends, and promised to love, honor, and cherish each other.  In the last 16 years, through numerous trials and testing of our faith, there were many times of doubt.  How could loving God allow us to go through something seemly so unloving?  However, that day, on our way to Korea to meet our son, God met us!  He reminded us that He never forget us during the last 16 years, not for one second!  Instead, He orchestrated for us to go to meet our long-waited son ON the day we exchanged our vows!  How great is our God?!?! It was no coincidence that we were leaving to go to Korea on that day.  

October 13, 2014 - Meeting #1
The day we met our son for the first time, we were all nerves.  We did manage to eat breakfast,
although we couldn't eat lunch or anything else afterwards.  We did have a few cups of coffee, needless to say I was WIRED!!!  We were about to meet a child whom we had been longing to see and praying for the last 2 years and 3 months.  However, we also knew that to this child, we would be a little more than some strangers, whom he had seen in pictures.  Although we knew that the foster parents showed Lincoln our pictures, we also realized that a toddler could not possibly understand the concept of living with foster parents until the court/government was ready to send him with his real parents, who were living in another country, on the other side of the globe this whole time.

Our meeting was 1:00 PM.  Well, we weren't about to be late to this MOMENTOUS occasion, and so we showed up TWO hours early at Holt office.  When we showed up, the staff knew who we were right away, which comforted me somewhat.  Then one social worker, led us into one of the small rooms to wait there.  However, perhaps when they realized how early we were, they asked us to wait either in the cafeteria or coffee shop downstairs.  We complied and ordered some coffees as we waited anxiously, on pins and needles.

Finally, around 12:45, we headed back up.   Going up in the elevator, we were all so tense; No one talked as we headed up to the 6th floor.  Then when we finally entered the room, the familiar faces stood up and greeted us with huge smiles.  They were early, too!!!  The foster parents recognized Chris' parents who had accompanied us because they had met before.  However, we also recognized each other, all through pictures.  Then immediately our attention was drawn to our son, Lincoln.  He looked just like the pictures!  His eyes, nose, cheeks, chin, lips, teeth, ears, hair, etc...everything looked exactly like we had remembered from those hundreds of pictures we had cherished for so many months.  We could not believe we were actually beholding our son!  He was just PERFECT!!!

Although we felt this special connection to him, he did not!  He did not run to us or jump into our arms as I had hoped would happend.  In fact, he was rather bashful and almost aloof, meeting some strangers; He would not leave his foster mom.  Although she tried to pass him to me, Lincoln wouldn't let her.  He clung to her because it was safe and familiar, on his foster mom's lap.

After what seemed like forever, Lincoln slowly started warming up to others.  My father-in-law was the first to approach him, and he did so with non other than his phone!  Lincoln, like all toddlers, knew exactly what to do with a phone.  Then my mother-in-law joined.  Lincoln felt more comfortable with them because he had seen them before.  After a few minutes though, Chris joined Lincoln in the back playing with balls and other toys.  However, I was too nervous to go join because I wasn't sure how he would react to me. Of course, I wanted to throw my arms around him and kiss him all over, but I didn't want to frighten him and I was also afraid of his rejection.  Or was it my pride that would not allow me to go to my son because I didn't want to be hurt.  Who knows?!?!  In the next few minutes, he was like the Energizer bunny!  He was running around, running across the stage, throwing balls, etc., etc.  Lincoln was a wild child!!!  At this point, I started to worry/panic thinking, 'What have we gotten ourselves into?  This is the child we had waited for these many years?   There is no return here!!!'

As those thoughts started to cloud my head, one of the staff members, got up and announced that each family would come up and introduce themselves.  Well, we were first!  While all the other children and 6 families waited at each table, our child was already on the stage, playing all by himself.  Without giving much thought, however, Chris and I went up and I scooped up our child and stood on the stage.  While Chris introduced our family, surprisingly and thankfully, Lincoln stayed in my arms.  He didn't squirm or try to get free.  In fact, looking at pictures later, he was studying us observantly.  At that moment, I fell in love with our son!  When I held his skinny little body, I just knew that God had created him and chose us to be his parents!  I felt the instant connection.  He was my son, and I was his momma!

When we were finished with the introduction, we left the stage and went straight to the back of the room as the three of us started to bond and play together.  We felt bad that we didn't listen to other families' introductions, however, at that point, our attention and time could not be divided!  We had only 2 hours with our child that day.  It could not be spent on anything other than Lincoln!  We played with him for the next hour or so; we threw him up in the air, we ran around, he played with toys, etc. etc.  At some point during the play, much to our heart's desire, he called us "Umma and Appa" (mom and dad in Korean).  We couldn't believe our ears!  We were truly thankful to his foster parents for showing him our pictures.

While we were playing, I told him, "I love you."  Then immediately, Lincoln threw his arms over his head and made a heart for me.  When I said it again, he repeated his arm-shaped heart as well.  I was overwhelmed with love for his boy.  As far as he was concerned, I was a mere stranger to him.  However, somehow, I believe that God was showing His love to me, through this precious child.  Towards the end of our time together, after I had held him and kissed him over and over again, I again told him, "I love you."  Then he proceeded to lean over and kiss me on my arm!  I repeated it and so did he!  Boy, was I "IN LOVE" with my son!

Much sooner than expected, our 2 hours came to an end.  I carried Lincoln in my arms as we all walked toward the elevator to go down and part our ways.  While waiting for the elevator, the foster mom pretended to be leaving and waved goodbye at Lincoln.  Then unexpectedly, he waved goodbye back to his foster mom and dad, indicating that he was ready to go with us.  My heart just melted right there.  He wanted to go home with us!  Again, thank you, Lord, for letting us have that precious moment!  Eventually, he blew kisses at us and left with the foster parents.


As we left Holt building, we had so many mixed emotions.  On one hand, we were so grateful that we got to not only interact with our son, but that he enjoyed his time with us.  He was ready come home with us after only 2 hours!  I was beyond thankful that we had had a WONDERFUL first meeting.  Btw, the foster parents told us later that Lincoln was melancholy the rest of that day.  They think he was sad that he we were not together.

However, for some time now, I had been comparing our adoption process to other adoptive families.  In doing so, I often became discontent and frustrated at God that it's taken us much longer than any other families we knew.  While all the other kids were around the age of two, more or less when they came home, Lincoln was almost three!  He's also been with his foster family longer than other children.  Then that day, during the two hours, I received my answers.  Even the fact that Lincoln was older than all the other kids was preordained by God. While we perceived these many "wasted' years as a neglect on God's part, it was all part of His plan: Because he was almost three, more mature, we could talk to him and he understood what we were saying.  We were now so thankful that God took His time for us to meet him.  Again, God knew what He was doing all along!  As I was able to reflect later that day, my heart overflowed with praise. 

Meeting #2 - October 13, 2014

For the second meeting, the foster parents were a little late.  However, when they walked in, I have to say that Lincoln was the best dressed kid that day.  He was sporting an argyle cardigan (I love anything argyle), blue button-down shirt, AND a little Burberry tie!!!  I LOVE Lincoln's foster mom!

After a brief greeting, Lincoln started out in a similar fashion as the first meeting.  He had just woken up from a nap, and so he remained in the foster dad's arms for a while.  So, we sat around the table and they told us more about Lincoln, his likes and dislikes.  We learned that he eats everything, but his favorite foods are fruits and vegetables!  He was meant to be our child!  He also eats whatever his foster parents eat, even spicy food.  He also likes to use metal chopsticks that the foster parents use, not those plastic training chopsticks that kids typically use.  Lincoln is a funny kid!

Then once Lincoln felt a bit comfortable, the foster dad went and dropped him off on the play mat in the back.  This time, without losing any time, I immediately headed back to play with him while Chris remained at the table with the foster parents.  Unlike the first meeting, he was a lot more subdued and perhaps tired.  He sat and played with matching/sorting blocks for a long time.  We took lots of pictures and videos of him sitting and playing.  We did play catch but sitting down.  Lincoln also has this infectious laugh.  He laughed very easily as he is a happy child.  Lots of little things seemed to amuse him.  He enjoyed a Playskool toy which has spinning pictures and bouncing balls.  He would press it and let out this happy, shrieking laugh.  (Needless to say, we bought the same toy when we returned home.)

After a while, we pulled out bubbles.  We learned that in the last few months, Lincoln started to want to do everything himself.  And sure enough, he wanted to blow bubbles and hold the bottle.  As he bent over to catch his bubbles, he spilled some soapy water on his hand.  He immediately stopped playing and his expression changed.  He indicated that he wanted his hand to be cleaned.  We  learned that he's an OCD and a clean freak.  In fact, the foster mom reported that when Lincoln comes in from outside, without even being told, he goes to the bathroom and washes his hands.  A 2 & 1/2 year old washes his hands without being told?!?!?!  So, after cleaning up his hand, he proceeded to blow more bubbles and also chase them when Chris blew them.  At the end of the 1&1/2 hours this time, we had to bid farewell, again.  Lincoln and his foster parents were the last ones to leave before all the adoptive parents had a short meeting afterwards.  Basically, everyone was waiting for my son and his foster parents to leave.  I really didn't mind that everyone else was waiting for us.  As selfish as that sounds, I just wanted to spend the last few minutes with Lincoln knowing that I wouldn't see him for another few months.  As we finally said our good byes, he gave each of us a ppo-ppo (kiss), and then he was gone.


As soon as they left, our briefing for our court appearance started.  Unfortunately, we were informed that we had a Friday judge!  We knew what that meant: she was not easy!  So, DJ, our social worker, basically "commanded" to pray really hard and that she would fast for us!  I was immensely moved by Dj and her commitment to us and our children.  Immediately, we notified our family and friends to continue to pray for our situation.


Court Day - October 17, 2014
Needless to say, I could not sleep in.  I woke up several times, around 3 AM, 4 AM, and then finally 5 AM.  I woke up each time praying and rehearsing what I would say to the judge.  We got ready that morning more anxiously than when we went to see Lincoln.  When Lincoln would come home, depended on this judge, almost entirely.  Out of the seven families, we were the first to see the judge.  We walked in with much apprehension although DJ had told us to smile and look calm and confident.  Not sure how that was possible!  The judge was very young and pretty.  She looked maybe 30.  After greeting each other, she proceeded to ask us a few questions.  In the midst of feeling nervous, I could also feel the presence of God in the courtroom, reassuring me.  He had gone before us as we were covered in prayers. The judge was very nice and she seemed very happy for us, that a Korean couple was adopting.  We spoke to her in Korean, and she sounded positive and confident that there wouldn't be any problems communicating with Lincoln.  After about 5 minutes, we were done.  We had PASSED!

Then the real and final phase began!  The court would try to contact the birth mom, one last time.  However, many times, these ladies do not want to be contacted even it is for mere notification.  If they are not contacted that we could go on a public notice, which would delay custody.  We were expecting the worst, 2 months!

 (A picture in front of the family court with all seven families)

Leaving Korea withOUT Lincoln - October 18, 2014
On Saturday, we woke up around 5:00 and headed to the airport.  After we checked in our bags and went through the security, we sat down for some breakfast.  And that's when it hit me.  I had been fine until that point, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks!  We were LEAVING withOUT our son!!!!!!  I tried to comfort myself with the fact that God is in control even though I was leaving a part of my heart in Korea.  I reminded myself that He is a good God, that I have to leave Lincoln this time so I can come back for him next time.  Once we boarded the plane, I kept myself occupied because I knew if I sat idle, I would cry.  The 14-hour flight was spent reading a book and watching a few movies.

We returned home hoping to return to Korea in a couple of months, before Christmas.

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My Baby Shower - November 1, 2014
Several years ago, I stopped attending baby showers.  It was too difficult as I started resenting all my friends' joyous occasions.  And so at one point, in order to protect myself, I just stopped going.  Then a few years later, I just gave up hope on attending my own shower.

Well, last Saturday, this dream came true!  A sweet friend, Patti Forgarty, and my sister Jina planned the most wonderful baby shower anyone could ask for.  From my perfectly decorated cake (Cakes by Darcy), to every perfect inspirational quotes, to clothes line featuring Lincoln's clothes, to yummy lunch, to coffee and tea, to everyone there giving me a word of advice...everything was so well planned and carried out.  All the people (Patti, Grace, Jessica, Anita, Susan, Genie, Kristen, Christi, Joan, Rose, Susan, Dee, and Jina) who attended my shower are the people who genuinely already love Lincoln.  I am sorry that a few other friends couldn't make it.

Also, many people gave so generously.  Lincoln already has tons of toys!  Then with generous contribution from many friends, we purchased Lincoln's car seat the next day and it came in the mail in three days.

My SECOND Baby Shower!!! - November 13, 2014
God is incredible!  He didn't just allow ONE baby shower.  He did far better - I got TWO showers, the second one from my work friends.  My Rocky Mount family threw me another shower.  My school family walked this journey with us for many years.  And so "it takes a village" quote came to my mind as I reflected on this second shower.  All the grade levels gave so generously.  I was especially thankful to my fifth grade team for organizing and decorating the event.  I was also touched by all my retired teacher friends that came to attend.  That was so special.  I realized that Lincoln is so loved by so many people!  Although they had not met him, they already loved him so much.  Again, that's something only God can arrange.

Court Date

I had been carrying my phone with me for about a week and half, waiting for THE phone call.  Well, at recess yesterday, I checked my phone and there WAS a voicemail we had been awaiting!  I asked my fifth grade team to watch my class while I called Bethany back.

Upon calling them back, nervously because I wasn't sure if it was regarding a court date or a problem, I was given a COURT DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!! So, we get to MEET Lincoln  on Monday, October 13 and again on Wednesday, October 15.  Then we go to the court and meet with a judge on Friday, October 17 .   Then anti-climatically, we return home probably the next day, just the two of us.

After we return home, we will be given another date to go back and this time to get custody.  Bethany thinks it will be within a month from the time we return from Korea, which should be around mid-November.  So, either for Thanksgiving or the latest his 3rd birthday, Lincoln will be HOME!

Although October 17 is later than what we had expected or were hoping for, but everything else had been late in our process.  So it wouldn't have made sense for this part to be expedited.  And so, we are pleased with this date.

Then I proceeded to scream the court date to my teammates who were nervously and excitedly waiting for my response.  They were all so sweet as they immediately started asking me when they should hold a baby shower for me.  They also asked me what I needed.  I had also tried calling Chris but he was busy with a patient.  That's I called his office, Sweet Life Chiropractic, and screamed on the phone when my sister Jina picked up the phone.  She first thought something was wrong, but once she realized what I was saying, she was OVERJOYED!!!!

In the last few weeks, we had been slowly getting ready to welcome Lincoln.  We went to a few consignment shops and purchased some clothes and we think he has enough clothes for now.  There were so many cute things.  We also bought some toys while we were there.  So, wardrobe. CHECK! Btw, I am ALL about recycling clothes, better for the environment and there are less harmful chemicals on the body as these clothes/toys have been well worn and washed.

In addition, good friends, Gina and Randy, gave us their son's toys, who went away to college a few weeks ago.  As Lincoln LOVES cars, he wouldn't know what to do with 75 hot wheels and 11 airplanes, and some Lego cars.  Here is the display Chris has made on our breakfast table!  I am sure this was his childhood dream as well.



A few years ago, another set of friends, Jessica and James, gave us their son's car seat as he got older and wanted to get a different one.  So, we've had a car seat waiting for Lincoln for a couple of years now.  Then my friend Brooke, a fellow teacher, gave me all of her kids puzzles as I also love puzzles.  Along the way, my students' parents gave me books and clothes for Lincoln.  Also, my friend Nancy taught me how to knit and I knitted a blanket for Lincoln which he's had for over a year. We had also asked Will, Charmaine, Annie, Susan, Gail, and Pastor Duane to write reference letters for us, a few times for some.  Our friend Mihali had to write medical letters for us 4 times!  My co-worker Cheryl and friend Dennis notarized all our documents.  Then for Lincoln's first birthday, my fifth grade teammates threw Lincoln a first birthday party with many precious gifts.  Some were sent to Korea and he's enjoyed them for the last year and half, and some are waiting at home.  My brother gave subscription to "Parents" magazine while waiting to prepare ourselves.  These are just to name a FEW people and their contributions along the way!  (I know I am leaving many others out.  I am so sorry!!!  I am just so excited to write this post and can't think straight.  Sorry!)

When I felt like God was not listening to my prayers, He was actually listening.  God was NEVER absent during the last 4 years.  What I failed to realize was that He was ever so present as He surrounded us with His wonderful people: many became His mouth piece with encouraging and kind words asking about Lincoln and some too afraid to ask because they didn't want to bother us; some giving us their child(dren)'s outgrown possessions; many got angry or even IRATE at the adoption process and many cried with us as we jumped through some difficult hoops; MANY have told how what great parents we will make; some gave generously toward our adoption expenses not necessarily because they are wealthy, but because they love us and want to see this little boy come home; etc., etc.

When I recall ALL of these experiences and more, how could I have considered that God had abandoned us????  When we couldn't get pregnant and reluctantly decided to adopt, when our paperwork took much longer than expected, when we were asked to update paperwork again and again, when we redid fingerprinting about 7 times altogether, with every step, many people were available not only to hear us vent, but to cry with us, to ache and hurt with us, to love on this little boy that they have no reason to love other than they love us.  How could I doubt God's love for us???  When I felt like I was being a terrible witness for the Lord because I was complaining, many gave me permission to be honest and just vent and express myself.  Lastly and MOST importantly, we had family, friends, co-workers, and patients praying for us and lifting us up from ALL OVER THE WORLD!!!  For a fact, those prayers carried us through especially the last two tough years.  Lincoln, Chris, and I were covered THICK in prayers.  Without any exaggeration, I know I couldn't have walked this path without all the support we've had from the people whom God had placed in our lives.  How could I have been so blinded!?!?!'

As we near the end, my heart overflows, bursts at seams, with gratitude for His abundant loving kindness and mercy.  I know that He will carry us through as we travel to Korea (twice), and as Lincoln comes home and starts grieving process for his loss and transitions into his new, FOREVER family.  God will not stop being who He is!  We are beyond a shadow of doubt blessed to witness God's love through so many, many people, near and far.  I wonder how many people in the world actually experience this kind of unfathomable love by our Heavenly Father.  We are TRULY, TRULY blessed in this journey as we wait for Little Lee with amazing family and friends!

THE FINAL CHAPTER

On May 20, 2010, after many failed attempts at becoming pregnant, we nervously and cautiously embarked on an adoption journey when we attended a Bethany orientation meeting.  Then after long, trying 4 years and 1 month, we began the final phase which is comprised mainly of three parts: EP submission, Court date, and Embassy date.  So, on June 5, at last our case was submitted to the Ministry of Health and Welfare in Korea.  Then we began waiting anxiously yet again.  However, Emigrant Permit (EP) was finally approved  this week (8/6/14). God must have heard all our family's and friends' prayers!

Then typically, it takes another 2 - 3 weeks for submission to the Court for a court date.  However, we were unexpectedly submitted to the Court the very next day (8/7/14)!!!  We were overjoyed when we got the news because it implied that we were going somewhere.  It was the beginning of the end.  I then called our agency and found out that in 4 - 6 weeks, we should be going to Korea for visit #1 for about 7 - 10 days.  In 4 - 6 weeks!!!!!!  During that visit, we go to the Court for an interview with a judge who has a final say in whether we are fit parents for Lincoln or not.  We will need MAJOR prayers for this!  However, during this visit, we also get to see Lincoln TWICE at the Holt office.  We get to meet him, love on him, and take LOTS of pictures.  However, at the end of that trip, unfortunately, we return home WITHOUT him! :(

FINALLY, the last part of the final phase will be in 4 - 6 weeks after we arrive home when we receive an Embassy date.  At that time, we return to Korea for visit #2 , get CUSTODY of Lincoln (YAY!!!!!), go to Embassy for a Visa interview, which I hear is pretty laid back, and pick up Lincoln's Visa the next day.  At the end of this trip, we do return home WITH him for good!!!  If everything goes smoothly, Lincoln should be home before he turns three (12/13)!!! 

Today, as I was worshiping at North Point, I was so very comforted and blessed by this song.  Every time I sing this song, I usually become a basket-case and this time was no different.

"Oceans" By Hillsong

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now
 
So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
 
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
 
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander  
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
 
I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

Many times in the last several years, struggling through infertility and then this arduous and stressful adoption process, I felt that God had called me to walk upon some deep tumultuous waters.  Often, I was surrounded by fear and doubt.  I felt as though God had failed me and abandoned me.  However, His grace, His sovereign hand had never failed me.  Instead He reminded me that if He has not failed for the last thousands of years since the world began, then He does not plan to start now with ME or Lincoln. 

This last chapter is not completed yet.  It continues to be written.  However, when this adoption is finished, I hope that we can look back and confidently and joyfully celebrate our journey knowing that our faith was made STRONGER and that our trust was without borders. Until then, we will continue to rest in His embrace for we are His and He is ours.

Trusting God When It Doesn't Make Sense

Since I last posted, it feels like a lot has happened.  Back in December, we received a small package from Lincoln's foster mom.  In it, we found a photo album and a USB with 800+ pictures!!!  Through those pictures, we could see Lincoln's growth.  She also wrote a really thoughtful letter letting us know how Lincoln is doing.  She mentioned how she had been praying for Lincoln to be adopted by Korean-American parents who are Christian, and therefore so thankful that her prayers were answered.  In looking at all those pictures (every day), we could tell that Lincoln is being loved and well taken care of.  We saw that his foster family takes him places (beach, mountain, aquarium, etc.).  We really appreciate all the interaction between Lincoln and his foster dad, as we strong believe that relationship with a male figure is so very important.  We also learned that he's been with this family since he was two months old and that they truly love him like their own.  And we are beyond thankful that Lincoln is in good hands.

Then earlier this week, my in-laws who live in Korea got to meet Lincoln!!!  They met him and his foster parents with a social worker at the Holt office.  My mother-in-law had a hard time hiding her tears when she saw our beautiful child.  He is described to be very easy going as he went to both my father-in-law and then mother-in-law without any hesitation although they were strangers to him.  My father-in-law took a few pictures of him interacting with them.  Hearing about their meeting was bittersweet for me.  While I was thrilled that at least some family members got to see him, we were disappointed that it wasn't us.  We wish we could hold our son and play with him and let him know how much we love him.

Then soon after, we emailed the Holt Korean social worker regarding any updates on our due date.  Unfortunately, we received a bleak reply.  According to her, last year, many kids were picked up around 21 months of age.  With the new Korean laws regarding adoption and Korean court/government taking much longer, she guesses that it might be even later than 24 months this year.  So it's possible that we might not have Lincoln this year 2013 either.  You can imagine the feeling of discouragement and defeat we felt by this new development.  Those emotions were quickly replaced by panic: Lincoln will be so old by the time he comes to us! It will take much longer for him to attach to us as he realizes that we are his parents not the foster parents with whom he will have lived 2+ years!!!  Then it was also accompanied by this question, "Why, Lord???  Wouldn't Lincoln be so much better off with us right now?  Why are you taking so long???"

Well, as I was knitting today, not even thinking about Lincoln or anything related to him, God spoke to my heart powerfully.  I guess I had been acting a bit presumptuously.  He reminded me again that He is God and that is in control.  And yes, He is fully aware that Lincoln celebrated his first birthday (Dol) in Korea without us.  He also knows that Lincoln turned 14 months a few days ago.  I didn't need to remind Him.  In fact, although I think that I love this boy so much already, my love can't even compare to God's love for him.

Then I was convicted of my unbelief; the Lord who gave Lincoln to us back in July is suddenly not trustworthy or incapable of keeping His promise.  If I could trust Him during this whole process, how could I doubt Him now thinking that He would allow something horrible to happen to us and/or Lincoln.  If the Bible is true, and I wholeheartedly believe it is, then what it says about God is true that He LOVES us and Lincoln!!!  With my finite mind, how dare I dictate to the Creator of the universe when would be the best time for Lincoln to come home!  How laughable for the pot tell the potter how to make it!!!  In the same way, I MUST simply trust Him.  As Abraham believed in God's promise when he offered Isaac as a sacrifice although Isaac was the promised heir, I need to surrender my desire to "know" when Lincoln will join our family and instead continue to worship and have faith in the Lord.  My focus of late has been rather myopic, all about Lincoln.  However, I realize that I must not neglect my relationship with the Lord.  I need to continue to live my life and not put it on hold until Lincoln gets here.  God was faithful way before Lincoln was referred to us, before we had infertility problems, before we were even married, etc.  If that is the case, we should believe that He will be faithful to us to the end.

I am once again reminded of one of may favorite scriptures:
"Do you not know?  Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."
Isaiah 40:28-31

Little Lee is growing up...FAST!!!

We received Lincoln's updates last week.  It had been a while because there wasn't one in August.  So, for all the family and friends who wanted updates but couldn't have any, I thought I would list them for you.  Lincoln will turn 9 months this month! :(  He's growing up so fast!!!  And also, it's apparent that he's a real boy-boy!!! (#10)

Well, here is what Lincoln has been up to lately:

1. drinks 200cc milk formula every 4 hours

2. takes 3 spoonful of porridge of meat and vegetable 3 times a day - also takes Gerber baby food, grated apple, watermelon, banana and soft cookies. 

3. pushes around the entire room on his tummies. 

4. sits up briefly if helped to sit - lifts buttocks trying to crawl on knees.

5. grabs toys when offered and transfers from one hand to the other. 

6. sucks fingers. 

7. opens arms when in others’ arms and if asked to come by the foster mother. 

8. bounces up and down when supported and tries to stand holding on to the foster mother’s arms. 

9. looks at picture book attentively. (YAY!!! He's a reader already!!!!)

10. stops to watch when car commercials are on TV. (Can't you believe this?!?!?!  Chris and Lincoln already have this in common.  I can tell that he's a Boy boy!)

11. shakes hands and feet while down when the foster mother sings to him. 

12. plays with feet while lying down. 

13. laughs when plays ‘peek-a-boo.’ 

14. looks to the source of sound.   

15. murmurs something noisily... says “umma” (mommy) when crying.  he sometimes says “appa”, (daddy) too. 

16. puts hands on the bottle and can hold the bottle. 

17. likes when shown food and sways arms in order to be fed quickly. 

18. sleeps from 10:30pm until 7:30am and sleeps well without waking at night. (He's a night owl like Daddy!)

19. takes two naps a day - morning and afternoon for 2 hours each.  he sometimes sleeps longer during the day in quiet environment.  moves a lot when sleeping.  frets a little before sleeping and falls asleep soon if laid beside him and patted.  knows that it is bedtime when dark and quiet.  sleeps with the foster parents all the time.

20. likes to take baths.

21. likes when the foster mother plays and talks face to face and touches his face. 

22. is not really shy with strangers. 

23. looks around here and there with curiosity when taken to new environment.

24. according to the foster mother, he is a clever and lovely child and wins all the love of the foster families and others in the neighborhood. (awwwww!!!!!)

Doesn't it sound like Lincoln's growing up...super fast?!?!?!  He is starting to have a real personality, too.  We hope to meet this guy real soon!!!